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I first must say that I really had a great time with this lived experience! I will admit that when I first signed up for my project, I really had no idea what meditation even had to do with ecofeminism, and I really wasn’t expecting much to come out of it! However, I am very happy that I actually took the time to research it and take it seriously, becasue it made all the difference!
When I did my very first meditation and sat down on the wet grass which also wet my bottom, I have to admit, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it. First impressions and experiences are very important to me. When I try something new for the first time and it’s not great, that’s usually a wrap for me! However, I stuck it out and decided to put that behind me and just keep trying. Besides, if I could actually learn something from this, then what the heck! Not to mention the fact that I had to do it because it was a school project and i was being graded on it! So, with all that in mind, I decided to get serious about it and do some research. My research really surprised me! Not only did all of the healthy benefits surprise me, but just the sheer number of people that actually meditated on a daily basis! I had no idea! Then I started researching a different aspect of meditating. The politics of it. I tried to learn about meditation in every aspect, and thats when I learned the most about how to connect it to ecofeminism. I learned about meditation as a way of our natural world giving to us. Then, in response and appreciation, us giving back. This is where it relates to ecofeminism. I thought to myslef, what does it give to us, and what do we give back, or how should we give back? That’s where meditating came into play. Once I did, I understood what I was gaining from it. Respect. Appreciation. Understanding. Then I realized as a woman, how I could give back. Thats when I started recycling and seeing things differently. I believe that this is what this project was all about!
A lot of people have been asking me if I will continue to meditate after this project is done. At first, I wasn’t sure. But when reflecting back and thinking about all of the good it has done for me, and in return, all of the good I have done becasue of it, I can’t see how I won’t. Even if I don’t actually sit down and meditate, I will still continue with the good that it has brought upon me. I will still recycle, not litter, and enjoy mother nature.
This past week and weekend, I meditated FOUR times!…..and thank God I did because I really needed it! It has really been a hectic week! but I will get to that later. Since I have started meditating, besides the first week, I have noticed that it is so much easier to concentrate on my school work, as well as meditate in general. I now have a routine to this. I meditate early in the morning around 7am now because I like to get a fresh start on my day. The only thing that is difficult for me to do is switch up the location. Originally, i wanted to be able to meditate in a different place each week that gets deeper into nature. well this past week, I stayed over at my friends house. She lives way out on that highway by the mall. Highway 23 or 32 or something like that. Anyway, her house is in the middle of a huge field and has a good sized stream right next to it. I got up early and snuck downstairs and outside so that I could go and relax and meditate by that stream. I no longer need a “Sounds of nature” cd to meditate anymore! I am pretty good and focusing and concentrating now. Besides, I had the relaxing sound of the lake water running slowly against the rocks and sandy bottom, as well as the light wind whistling through the trees! Man, I know that nature has really begun to positively affect me, because in the past, I would never have described trees and and a stream in such a way. However, i truly have noticed a change in myself lately. it’s not huge, but it is significant, I believe. Whenever it’s a nice day outside, and Im walking, I will always slow down and take a deep breath of the air. i don’t know why, but that always seems to relax me to some degree if I am in a hurry, or if I am stressed. I also found a way for the rain to be helpful as well. I got caught in the rain up in kansas City recently, and instead of cursing or getting mad and running, I walked! As I walked and got more wet, I did not care for myself anymore, I was more thinking about how good the rain felt as it was hitting my skin. It was like i was appreciating it. I have only tried actually meditating in the rain once, but could not do it because of the cold air that came with it, however, I bet that if I was to continue meditating outside in different conditions past the required time of thie project, I could probably do it, and enjoy it!
I think that so far this project has really been a success for me! Even though I am blogging about the amount of times that I am supposed to meditate, i have honestly done it more. It’s not even so much about what you see on tv either. Meditation is not just about sitting down Indian Style(although I do sit that way and love it!) with your arms on your knees and huming. You can meditate anyway you feel like it. Thats something that I have learned these past couple weeks! Sometimes I will be just laying in my bed watching tv and will just start thinking of all the things that I have to do, and I will begin to stress myself out! Well, the last couple of times that it happened, I just turned off the television, closed my eyes, took some deep breaths, opened my window, and for a few minutes, did nothing but concentrate on the air coming through the window, my heart beating, and my breathing! After that, I opened my eyes, and my problems or stree that I was feeling just felt so much smaller! Instead of sitting there dwelling on everything that I had to do, I got up, in a relatively good mood….much better than before, and actually just did what I had to do! I notice things like that about myself now! I can be more proactive if I just stop, sit down, take some deep breaths, and smell some fresh air! i have even noticed now that instead of throwing all of my trash into that same huge dumpster in the back of my house, I actually seperate them and use the green recycling bin thats out there! I have never done that before!
Now, I named this blog meditation to the rescue because like I said earlier, I meditated four times last week due to STRESS. The first time I explained was at my friends house by the stream. Well, the second time was after I found out that I have to go to court in May which will interfere with a final that I have to take. So, not only was I stressed about court in general…but about what I am going to do about my final. So, I woke up the next morning and parked on campus where I normally park, but I walked to that long wall on Claflin where me and my ex used to have picnics sometimes. Anyways, there is a section there that is pretty much surrounded by trees. I went with my waterproof swishy pants, and sat down on that wet, cold grass and took about 15 minutes to myself to just relax. The trees really comforted my mind because of the wind. That really helped me! I didnt forget about the issue, but after sitting there and absorbing something so much bigger that yourself and natural and beautiful, problems just seem a little bigger. Because of this sense that I get afterwards, I can really RESPECT it! It as in NATURE! It sounds silly to some (Especially my dad!) but all i can say is that you have to experience it! It all makes sense to me! With respect for the natural world, and an understanding of it, and MY place in it, I wouldn’t dare do any harm. I really think that this process could take years for someone to really GET IT! I mean even myself. Even though I recycled, I would still be able to sleep if I threw a piece of trash on the floor, or if I knew they were tearing down trees to build a parking lot, but the point is, that I undertsnad, and I truly have changed a little, and I think thats what its all about! My thrird and last time medidtating last week which was actually this past saturday, were just as great! I hope to have pictures of myself meditating as soon as i can drag my friend out that early to take a picture of me!
My second time meditating was yesterday morning. As you all know, the rain has been horrible lately, and since one of the objects of my project is to become closer with nature, I have to meditate outside. Unfortunately, with the rain and the cold weather, I decided to take a different approach and meditate inside but with a “nature sounds” Cd playing. This time I was really going to try to focus on the NATURE sounds that I heard on the Cd. I read that shifting your consciousness on a specific peaceful thought or sound can really be healthy in your meditations. I planned on really listening to, but not thinking about the sounds. I wanted to almost FEEL the sounds and be at peace with what I heard. Hopefully by doing this I would be able to appreciate the real nature when I meditate next outside. Aside from what I was going to hear, another part of my meditations that I wanted to experience was the air, and the earth beneath me. Everything that is around me when I meditate, I want to be able to appreciate and understand. Now I know that it will take some time, but these are more goals that I have in mind for when I am outside in real nature.
As for yesterday, I did the best that I could to make up for being inside. So, I got up pretty early yesterday because I had a busy schedule in front of me. I figured that with everything that I had to do, getting an early start on the day with a peaceful and relaxing meditating session would work better in the morning rather than at the end of the day when I usually feel like collapsing. There were different tracks on the Cd that had different types of nature sounds. After looking through the tracks, I decided to choose the wind and the ocean sounds. They were actual sounds that were recorded too, not just fake sounds! I sat down Indian Style and just took in a few deep breaths. I held them in for a little bit and then exhaled. I found that after I did this, my heart actually started beating a tad bit slower. This sent me into immediate relaxation. Now that I was relaxed, comfortable and calm, I began to focus on the sounds that I heard on the Cd. I started to focus first on the sounds of the ocean. At first, I started visualizing the beach and people all around, but after I really started to focus on JUST the sounds, I realized that after a while I had no thoughts. It was kind of weird, I was hearing the sound of the ocean and kind of just focusing on that along with the dark and light sensations in my eyelids that you get after you have been closing your eyes for a while. Not forgetting about my breathing, I was inhaling and exhaling at a slow pace. I never really switched up and just listened to the wind , I was more focused on the general sensation of the sounds. After I was done, I sat up and just tried to think about the phenomenon of what I listened to and tried to appreciate how the ocean, wind, sky, sand,…etc all work together and how amazing it really is if you think about it. I guess I would call this session a success, because afterwards, I really did feel more relaxed and in an overall better mood. Hopefully next the weather will be better so I can go out into the real nature. Next time I will be meditating up at my friends house up off of Highway 24. They have a big house with a lot of land, and a nice little river with tall grass by it. I will be mediating there next.
Ok! So I am a little behind on the blogs due to not knowing how to post the blog. I was supposed to do my first meditation on Sunday evening, however, I forgot, Big surprise huh?…lol. I even sat down and scheduled in when I was going to go outside and meditate. I chose Sunday evening at 7:30pm in my front lawn because I thought that hopefully by then it would be dark enough to where no one would see me. Well, since I got distracted watching Sex and the City on “On Demand”….I totally forgot! So, to make up for that, I actually did my first meditation yesterday morning. I will do another one tomorrow morning, and then one more on Friday to make up for Sunday, and that will cover this week. I had to do it in the morning because that would be the only possible time I could. So yea, that whole “nobody will see me” thing went right out the window! So, yesterday I went outside at 10:30am to meditate. Prior to meditating, I researched it and got some meditation techniques off of the Internet.
-Make yourself comfortable, sitting upright, with a straight spine. With your eyes closed, look at the point midway between the eyebrows on your forehead.
Inhale slowly, counting to eight. Hold the breath for the same eight counts while concentrating your attention at the point between the eyebrows. Now exhale slowly to the same count of eight. Repeat three to six times.
After inhaling and exhaling completely, as the next breath comes in, mentally say Hong (rhymes with song). Then, as you exhale, mentally say Sau (rhymes with saw). Hong Sau means ‘I am He’ or ‘I am Spirit’. Make no attempt to control your breathing, just let its flow be completely natural. Try to feel that your breath itself is silently making the sounds of Hong and Sau. Initially try to feel the breath at the point where it enters the nostrils. -
So this is what I tried to do. I went outside into my front lawn (if you want to call it that, its more of a slab of grass…and then Bluemont road right in front) dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt for comfort. I sat down Indian style in the grass. Unfortunately, right where I decided to sit was wet. I hopped up extremely irritated and cursed out loud. Not really how I wanted to start out my first meditation. However, I’m a trooper so i decided to just sit down in a different spot, wet sweatpants and all, to try it again. This time I sat down Indian style and closed my eyes. Immediately after closing my eyes my other senses came into play since I was no longer able to see. the first thing i realized was how freaking loud Bluemont was at 10:30 in the morning! The cars going by made it almost impossible for me to concentrate on anything but how dumb I must look to these people who are driving by and probably wondering what the heck I’m doing sitting on the wet cold grass in the morning. After i got over the noise, I began to try and concentrate on my breathing. Well, it was freezing, I mean freaking freezing, so that was pretty difficult to do. My teeth were shuttering and I was thinking about everything. Exactly the opposite of what i was supposed to be doing. I did not even get into the chanting part because after about 5 minutes, I got too cold and frustrated from all of my thoughts that kept popping into my mind, that I angrily got up and stormed into the house thinking about how I probably wasted my time outside and how embarrassed I would be if someone facebooked me telling me they saw me outside…lol. I went in and took a hot shower before I had to start the rest of my day. i think the weather had a lot to do with why my first attempt failed. So meditation one was a complete failure and I felt irritated, cold and annoyed afterwards. Next time, I hope I will have more luck!
Ok, So if you read my whole blog….you will probably realize that it was actually written earlier in the week. i just couldnt figure the whole posting thing out. I have meditated once already, and will post my second blog about my crazy first experience either later on this evening or tomorrow morning. After that post, my second time to medidtate will be tuesday. So I will update my blog on tuesday after my meditation session, and then I should be back on schedule!..
For my lived experience project, I am going to be meditating. According to Wikipedia, meditation is a discipline in which the mind is focused on an object of thought or awareness. It usually involves turning attention to a single point of reference. The practice may engender a higher state of consciousness. Meditation is recognized as a component of almost all religions, and has been practiced for over 5,000 years.I have learned that ecofeminism is a term that links together the violence against women with the violence against the earth. As talked about today in class, I would say that ecofeminism is an egalitarian type of lifestyle which links together humanity and nature. By meditating at least three times a week for the next month, I plan on drawing myself closer with nature. Hopefully by the end of this experience, I will respect the earth and mother nature a whole lot more as well as gain a totally different perspective on nature and life in general. By becoming closer to mother nature, this will hopefully allow me to be no longer involved in any mistreatment of the earth due to my new found closeness and respect for nature.My goals in for this project are simple. Besides just meditating to become closer to earth, I have more specific goals for the meditation itself. My first goal is to “get the hang of meditating” With my busy schedule and wondering mind, I want to actually be able to FOCUS and not drift off into la la land. For this, I have researched meditation and have written down some techniques I found that I will tell you all about and if they worked after my first meditation tomorrow. My second goal is to keep up with the amount of times I am supposed to be meditating. I will start with two meditations per week in a place of nature. As my meditations per day increase, so will my place of nature. Eventually meditating deeper and deeper into nature. For instance, when I start my first meditation tomorrow, I will do it outside on the lawn in front of my house. Hopefully by week five I will be meditating somewhere like the Konza Prairie. My third goal is to not forget the basis on why I am meditating. If I am going to do this, I want it to be real and meaningful. After each meditation, I will briefly write down what I felt if anything.Well, that’s pretty much it. Wish me luck! I will blog again tomorrow after my first meditation! Wish me luck!
